Stop the Victim Mentality


If someone asked you if you wanted to be a victim or a victor, what would you choose?

I am guessing that most people would answer that they would prefer to be the victor. Most of us like to win!

What if I told you that the only way you can be the victor in creating your Custom Built Life™ is if you stop living as a victim?

Victor or Victim – You Can’t be Both

In my last two videos I have been talking about the process for turning your life around. (You can find the first video here and the second one here.)

Today I am going to go more in depth with step two of this process.

In some ways step two is the easiest step and in other ways it is the most challenging one.

Watch this 4 minute video to see what I mean.

Be Responsible

When I was first introduced to the concept of being responsible for my life I was not a very happy camper.

Certain things were happening in my life that were very challenging and my understanding of being responsible at that time translated to my being to blame. And I did not want to be blamed for what was going on!

But in this case, to blame and to be responsible are not the same thing.

On responsible is defined as “involving important duties, decisions, etc. that you are trusted to do.”

Blame is defined as “to find fault with.”

Let go of the Victim Mentality

Step #2 is to decide to take responsibility for your life.

It means giving up the victim mentality and stop finding fault with all the wrongs that have been done to you. Stop blaming other people, unfair circumstances, or anything else for the way your life is shaping up.

Instead be responsible for your life. Trust yourself to be involved in the important duties and decisions in your life.

It is very empowering to be responsible for your life and to take charge of the important decisions and action.

There is no power in blaming things external to you for the circumstances in your life. And this victim complex often leaves you feeling trapped or stuck and without any choices.

I assure you that you always have at least one choice in every situation. You always can choose how you react to something.

Strike a Balance

While you shouldn’t blame yourself or others for the state of your life, you also shouldn’t go to the opposite extreme of the victim role and try to be in control of life.

Life has a way of delivering unexpected outcomes despite all the plans we make. And if we cling too tightly to the results we expected we often miss out on other joys that we could never have planned for.

The balance between these two extremes is found in gratitude.

If you can be grateful for your life exactly as it is today, even if the outcomes you expected didn’t turn out as you planned, you will find it easier to be responsible for moving forward from this place.

Your Assignment

One of my favorite Jim Rohn quotes is “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

Imagine that you decide to NOT be responsible for your own life. Think about the people in your life and pick the person who would be most eager to step into that role for you.

Write in your journal what their plans for you would be and how you would feel about those plans.

Then write about where in your life you are currently playing the victim and what it is you have been blaming for holding you back in life.

If you are feeling brave, tap on your keyboard in the comments section below to share the impact this assignment had on you. What did you learn about yourself and what changes are you going to make going forward?

Stacy and Dave

  • Virginia Reeves April 20, 2016, 12:05 pm

    So true about getting rid of the victim mentality and being responsible. Being open to possibilities means being alert to what is going on around you. Sometimes opportunities are in sight but we miss them because of blinders or pre-conceptions. The point that you have to accept the unexpected and not hold too tightly to a plan are important.
    I was fighting the concept of having to do certain things because it was the correct marketing procedure. I didn’t want to do it so for a year I held off publishing my new series of books – ignoring my own tagline of permission granted today. I finally said NO to the ‘shoulds’ and started uploading. I feel great about my personal success in following through. I’m not making sales or building a list but I validated me and the material is there.

    • Stacy Rowan April 29, 2016, 2:44 pm

      Virginia, isn’t it interesting how we often have to re-learn what we teach others? In the situation you described it was about learning to grant yourself permission. Once you did you were able to move forward on your publishing project. And by moving forward and completing projects you make space for new opportunities to enter your life.
      Congratulations on your progress! Keep up the good work!


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