Early in our marriage, Dave and I would often spend our evenings sitting next to each other on our blue plaid couch. The couch was our meeting place for our nightly “complaint-fests.”
The Pattern
After a hastily prepared meal consisting mainly of uninspiring processed foods, we would flop down in exhaustion anxious to lose ourselves in a mind-numbing stupor brought on by watching too many sit-coms in a row. (This was before the days of Facebook, Candy Crush and reality TV or those might have been our anesthetic of choice.)
After some quality time numbing out we would finally find the energy to talk about our day. This typically consisted of focusing on everything that we felt was wrong with our lives. Although we were still relatively new in our careers, we already felt trapped by our financial commitments and our decent salaries, and we were at a complete loss for how we could get ourselves out of this situation. We felt totally helpless.
After all, we had followed all the rules we had been given to be happy in life. We had followed the advice of our teachers, guidance counselors, parents and supervisors. We had studied hard, earned good grades, completed the “right” degree, been hired for “great” jobs, bought a nice house and were partners in a loving marriage. So why weren’t we happier?
We sometimes fantasized about how great it would be escape to a new life – to just quit both of our jobs, move to the beach and sell hot dogs out of a cart. We imagined that would resolve all of the stress in our life. (Sounds like a well thought-out plan, right?)
Night after night and month after month went by and we continued to play by the same set of rules:
- Get up to go into jobs we didn’t like.
- Get upset when the work load was unrealistic and unfulfilling and when we were treated more like disposable cogs in a wheel than human beings with a life outside of the work place.
- Come home and complain about the crappy day we had.
- Go to bed frustrated and dreading the next day.
- Repeat this cycle Monday through Friday, then…
- Decompress from the work week Friday night into Saturday.
- Finally start feeling human again on Saturday and enjoy Saturday afternoon and evening.
- Wake up Sunday feeling sad or anxious knowing that the next work week was just around the corner.
The Turning Point
So, back to the start of this story – one evening, while we were sitting on our blue plaid couch engaged in one of our typical “complaint-fests” Dave turned to me and said, “You know, I don’t want to be sitting on this exact same couch having this exact same conversation when we’re 40!”
Dave and I look back on that conversation as a defining moment in our lives and as the beginning of our personal development journey.
We realized that if we wanted different and better results in our lives, we needed to do different things. We realized that if we wanted to enjoy every day of the week rather than about half a day out of every seven, we needed to change the rules we were living by. We realized that we needed to create our own rules, rather than play by the rules that everyone else told us we should follow.
Now, take a look at your own life.
Are you frustrated or disappointed with one or several major aspects of your life? Do you spend lots of time dwelling on and complaining about what is wrong? Do you feel trapped by the rules that are dictating your life?
If so, it’s time for you to get off of your blue plaid couch, define your own rules, and begin doing some things differently to get the results you are looking for.
Here are three quick ways to get started:
- Have Written Goals
Written goals send an important message to your subconscious and problem-solving mind. They represent a commitment to yourself and let your brain know that you are serious about making something happen.
When you write your goals be specific, write them as a positive statement, and write them as if they are already true.
- Take Action
Once you have established a set of written goals for yourself, take action to make progress toward them. Many people have no problem taking a few initial steps; however, it is often their ability to stay in action that holds them back. Consistent action almost always ends up being more impactful than a single large action.
- Celebrate Success
As you begin to steadily achieve portions of your goals, take the time to celebrate these wins along the way, no matter how small. Doing so keeps you focused on all that is new and good in your life and triggers a virtuous circle of successes that feed upon one another and generate even more success.
Dave and I no longer sit on that blue plaid couch (we bought a new one) and we no longer have our nightly “complaint-fests.” We instead spend time visualizing how we want our life to grow and change; thinking about and writing down our goals that will move us toward that vision; taking small, continuous actions that move us toward those goals; and celebrating successes along the way.
Your Assignment:
Take some time this evening or this weekend and write down a few goals to get started on this process. Choose two or three of the most important goals to you and make time in your schedule every week to take action that will move you in the direction of your goals. As you complete action steps and achieve success, take time to celebrate! You will be amazed at how good you feel and how much progress you can make with steady, consistent action!
Let us know what your goals are and what you plan to do differently to achieve them. If you want help identifying the rules in your life that it is time to change, or if you want to learn how to change them, book an appointment for a Virtual Coffee Date. I would love to talk with you!
