Are you familiar with Norman Rockwell’s “Freedom from Want” painting? You have probably seen it. It depicts a large, happy family sitting around a dining room table just as the turkey is being served. The scene is idyllic. There is no squabbling. No one looks angry or exhausted. Everyone is smiling.

 

Is this how your holiday dinners look? Do you feel well-rested and joyful as you sit down to share a meal with your family?

 

Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but whatever your answer is, the approach of the holiday season is a great opportunity to revisit the topic of Boundary Setting.

 

Boundary setting is a critical skill for you to develop as you continue to create your Custom Built Life™, and it is particularly important in order to make this time of year a nourishing season rather than a draining season.

 

Think back to last year’s holidays.  Were they a time filled with wonderful family traditions and fun activities that left you feeling recharged and ready to tackle a new year?Or instead, did you sprint from commitment to commitment doing all of the things that you felt you should do to try to make other people happy without thinking about what was most important to you?

 

If you were in the second group, most likely by the time New Year’s day rolled around you limped into 2014 tired, frustrated and definitely not in a frame of mind to do any Custom Life Building!

 

This year try a different approach and see if you get different results.

 

Boundary Setting Activity #1: – Set Some New Rules for Holiday-Related Activities

 

Think about what is most important to you this holiday season and what activities are most enjoyable.  Is it the time spent connecting with family and friends? Is it memories shared over meals? Is it driving around your neighborhood and appreciating the beautiful sights and decorations? Is it spending time in quiet reflection?

 

Think about how you would like to feel during these last two months of the year.

 

Do you want to feel well-rested? Deeply connected to loved ones? Full of gratitude? Excited? Peaceful? Joyful?

 

Identify the key feelings that you would like to predominate this holiday season. Then look back on last year and try to remember if this is how you felt.

 

If not, decide what you can change or where you can cut back. Keep all of your favorite activities or the favorite parts of larger activities, and be willing to let go of the obligations that you don’t enjoy or that leave you feeling overwhelmed or drained.

 

Some ideas on how to do this include:

 

• Have a potluck holiday dinner rather than planning, shopping, cooking and cleaning up all on your own.
• Sit down with your family and decide which traditions are most important to you.  Put these on the calendar first and schedule everything else around them.  If that means other “should do’s” need to go, so be it, even if this means you might disappoint some family members, friends, or colleagues.
• When visiting out-of-town relatives or friends consider planning your travel so you are not driving or flying on peak travel days. Also consider shortening your visit to allow yourself time to do other things you want to do or even just to allow yourself some time to unwind before returning to your regular post-holiday routine.

 

After deciding what changes you will be making, communicate the changes right away to anyone who the changes will impact. In a loving way, let them know why these changes are important to you. The first conversation with family or friends may be uncomfortable, but having it now is much better than surprising and possibly disappointing them at the last minute.

 

I would love to tell you that everyone in your life will be supportive and understanding. Many will, some won’t, and some may require time to adjust to your new way of doing things. However, without setting boundaries for yourself, you will find it much more difficult, if not impossible, to build your Custom Built Life.

Boundary Setting Activity #2 – Set Some Temporary Rules for Non-Holiday Related Activities

 

Consider also changing the rules for non-holiday activities and responsibilities knowing that you’ll be extra-busy at this time of year.  It is okay to lower your standards in other areas in order to allow yourself to experience the holidays in a way that fills you up instead of a way that drains you.

 

Ideas to consider include:

• Delay as many business trips as you can into January.  Your family will love having you around more to create memories with them!
• Cut back on your non-holiday social commitments to make room for traditional get-togethers with family and friends.
• Avoid taking on any big, new home improvement projects and consider lowering your standards a little in some other areas.  Let’s face it, is it more important to cram in a bathroom remodel and have an immaculate house, or do you want your kids to remember how much fun you had as a family during this magical time of year?

 

Your Assignment:

Take some time this week to do these two Holiday Boundary Setting Activities.  Write down your new rules so you don’t forget them, and communicate any changes you’re making from Activity #1 to family and friends right away.  You will be glad you set clear boundaries when the calendar rolls over to January 1^st with you feeling deeply satisfied with both the memories you’ve just created and all you have to look forward to in 2015 as you continue to create your Custom Built Life(TM)!

 

We would love if you would share your best ideas with the Custom Built Life community so you can help others enjoy their holidays too. Add a comment here or post on our Facebook page.