Let’s Review One Last Time!

This is the fourth post of this four part series. If you read the previous installments, you’ll remember that being unhappy sometimes doesn’t mean you are flawed, unappreciative, or somehow abnormal. It’s a normal part of being a person, so avoiding unhappiness isn’t a realistic goal. Instead, look for ways to improve how you respond and what you do when you’re unhappy.

You’ll also remember that I identified my Unhappiness Triggers and started giving youpractical strategies on how to deal with certain types of these triggers. We’ll continue with this in this final installment of the series.

If you missed the previous installments, here is Part I, Part II, and Part III if you’d like to review them before reading more.

How to Deal with Sudden, Unexpected Bad News

There are things that happen in life that just aren’t pleasant – an unexpected medical issue for you or a family member, loss of a job, or a large unexpected expense for a major home or car repair.

First, it’s important to realize that these things to some extent are unavoidable. They are a normal part of being a person and the simple act of acceptance and realizing that “this too shall pass” can start to move you up the 22 Point Emotional Scale that we discussed in Part III of this series.

Second, not all bad news is major. Some of it – like a flat tire, having to wait 45 minutes in your doctor’s waiting room, or dealing with an unexpected minor crisis at work – is just a minor bump in the road or a temporary challenge that we need to overcome.

Knowing that unexpected events happen, avoid planning your days for perfection and filling every available moment with tasks and to do’s. Instead, make plans for about 80% of your productive time during the day to get things done and the remaining 20% to deal with the unexpected or to enjoy as a pleasant bonus on the days that sail by without incident.

Finally, separate the bad news into that which you can’t control and that which you can control. Accept and do not dwell on the uncontrollable aspects of life and take action in the areas you can impact.

Here are two examples:

BAD NEWS – My car is in the shop, it’s expensive and inconvenient.
WHAT I CAN’T CONTROL – Cars sometimes break down – it’s inevitable
WHAT I CAN CONTROL –

• I have a six month emergency fund that I can use to cover these expenses without having to take on credit card debt.
• I take my car in for all scheduled maintenance to keep it running well as often as possible.
• I research cars before I buy them and buy models that score high in terms of reliability.
• I have worked out an arrangement with a co-worker to give each other rides to work when our vehicles need service.

BAD NEWS – I’m dealing with a major medical issue. I feel horrible and it’s expensive.
WHAT I CAN’T CONTROL – Sometimes people get sick. It’s a normal part of being a person.
WHAT I CAN CONTROL –

• I exercise at least three times a week to stay healthy.
• I choose healthful, unprocessed foods and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables to give my body the fuel it needs to fight off sickness.
• I see the dentist twice a year and brush and floss regularly.
• I have a six month emergency fund that I can use to cover these expenses without having to take on credit card debt.
• I have a plan for self-care to manage stress and make time for things I enjoy.

Your Assignment

Take a new perspective the next time you’re in a foul mood. Realize that feeling unhappy doesn’t mean you’re flawed or ungrateful. Realize that feeling unhappy does mean you’re a normal person, and that when you are unhappy you can choose to improve your mood by:

• Looking for and appreciating small improvements in your mood.
• Staying in steady, consistent action with small steps that might not look like much day to day but that can move mountains over the long term.
• Changing the rules of the game if you don’t like the rules you’re playing by.
• Realizing that there are certain things you can control and certain things you can’t. Accept and let go of the situations you can’t fix and focus on the things you can do differently now or the next time something bad happens.