Let’s Review
This is the third post of this four part series. If you read the previous installments, you’ll remember that being unhappy sometimes doesn’t mean you are flawed, unappreciative, or somehow abnormal. It’s a normal part of being a person, so avoiding unhappiness isn’t a realistic goal. Instead, look for ways to improve how you respond and what you do when you’re unhappy.
You’ll also remember that I gave the example of my Unhappiness Triggers and the three groups that they fall into. Here is Part I and is Part II of the series in case you’d like to review them before reading this installment.
Now comes that part you’ve probably been waiting for – what can I DO when I’m unhappy to get myself out of it and stay in action?
Appreciate Small Changes in Your Mood
Happiness and sadness is not like a light switch. You don’t simply flip between being happy and sad; there are many spots in between. Instead, it’s like a rainbow of colors that gradually shift from one shade to the next.
In their book, Ask and It is Given, authors Esther and Jerry Hicks provide this 22-point scale showing happiness versus sadness as a continuum, rather than an “On/Off” situation:
- Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
- Passion
- Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
- Positive Expectation/Belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
- Overwhelment
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred/Rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
- Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness
A really powerful insight for me from this book is simply recognizing and appreciating even small moves up this scale. In the past, I was only feeling good about things if I was somewhere between #1 – Joy and #5 – Optimism.
Now, I recognize and appreciate when I move from say #16 – Discouragement to #10 – Impatience. I’m still not “Happy” but I’m moving in the right direction!
When Change Doesn’t Happen Fast Enough
Speaking of impatience, you know from Part II of this series that my impatience has at times been an Unhappiness Trigger for me. I’ve found it easier to manage thanks to insight I gained from the following quotes.
Tony Robbins wrote, “Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade.”
On a related note, but from a different angle, my hubby Dave says, “Where you are headed is far more important than where you are today.”
And finally, it’s likely you’ve heard the wisdom of Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
So for me, if you roll this all up, when you’re feeling impatient and in a foul mood, you can take comfort that:
- Many people underestimate how long it takes for things to happen. This is normal! (Tony Robbins)
- If I’m still in the situation I want to change, that’s fine! What really matters is that I have a plan to get unstuck and move forward. (Dave)
- As long as I take steady, consistent action, even in tiny steps, I can move mountains! (Lao Tzu)
When the Rules Aren’t Working
A Conversation with Stacy on our website gives an in depth version of my story and how the rules weren’t working for me. In this article I will share a super short summary.
Back in the days when I was working in the corporate world, my thoughts were, “I followed all the rules to study hard, do well in school, get the right degree, go buy a bunch of stuff, and get married. If I keep working harder to follow the rules perfectly, I’ll be happy.”
But as time went on and happiness still didn’t arrive my thoughts changed to, “I’m doing all this and I’m still not happy!?!? What’s wrong with me?”
Here’s the thing. There is nothing wrong with you! (And there was nothing wrong with me.) The rules you are playing by might work for other people, and they might even have worked for you in the past, but they aren’t working for you now. All that means is it’s time to change those rules!
If you want help gaining insight into the rules you are following in your life that aren’t working for you check-out our free e-guide 50 Rules to Break if You Want a Custom Built Life. Click here to read the guide and complete the included exercise.
Your Assignment:
The next time you are feeling “unhappy”, look at the list of 22 emotions and determine which one best describes your feeling. Then find activities to do that will make you feel even one or two spots better and celebrate that small improvement in your mood.
